Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
