she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
