Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
