You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
