I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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