My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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