We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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