we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
