Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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