I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
