i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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