is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
