no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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