Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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