he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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