he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
