those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
