I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
