I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
