also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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