I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
