Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
