It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
