apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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