when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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