Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
