Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
