Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
