We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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