I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
