Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
