I looked at my own cervix.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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