I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
