Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
