can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
