4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
