She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
