how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
