My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
