im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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