you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
