shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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