Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
