I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
