i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
