if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
