She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
