If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
