coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
