Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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