I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
