Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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