Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
