Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
