Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
