What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
honey bunches of taint.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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