im six kinds of drunk right now
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
