WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
